Uses for Paper (Revision 3)

[Todd]

Hi Todd,

I find "It is also not to be found/ in gray brick..." quite awkward phrasing -- I'd suggest "Nor is it to be found" instead, to take greater advantage of assonance.  I also think the grammar is just a little too convoluted in the "horizon" strophe; the problem might be solved by rewording "so small a square" but I haven't got a very satisfactory suggestion just now.  I love the enjambment between "breathe" and "in the blue of the sky", giving ambiguity by virtue of a pause and then bringing it to a resolution like a sigh.  

Would "gingham-skirted" be better?

I like it and am intrigued -- I get a post-atomic feeling from this, with the Sadako story.

Leanne, again like I said to milo above, thank you for the feedback and the help. I will look at the grammar and the awkward areas and try to address them on rewrite. We all want to read great poems every time. So, hopefully the rewrite can get me closer. So, appreciate you weighing in. It's very helpful.

Thank you,

Todd