Condensation

[Jae Mc Donnell]

Hello again. You guys were so great at helping me with my last personal poem that I thought I would ask for critique on another.


Love evolves, in time and space;
And bed becomes your favourite place (I quit enjoy this couplet, nice and rhythmic) 
And hours pass within mere minutes.
Sheets so stained, soiled linen, (This line grosses me out so much lol)

Tussles in the thick blackness, (Thick blackness, nice imagery)
Stripped, you lie, upon the mattress. (Again nice couplet)
Windows, murky, thick with mist, (I really don't like the word murky in this line. Maybe something else. But also I get where you're going with it 
Canvas, for life; in undying ink

You finger the curves of a capital B.
Quickly, on to the delicate E. (I love, this very well done... O 
No rush now, just two letters left.
Forever and always, I love you Beth. (Should this have a comma before Beth?)

Thanks for the read. Very steamy. I hope some of my comment are useful.