Can I PLease Love You?

[Jae Mc Donnell]

You came to class drunk. (I like this as a first line. It sets up the emotional distress, perhaps, and unavailability of the person in question) 
I know we aren’t speaking,
but you were, are, my
First. (I'm not sure if the line separation on first was intended to cause a dramatic pause in reading but it definitely works for me. "My...... first  
I want to know what is wrong but...
she tells me this is normal. (I'm a bit confused here!? Who tells you? In the first few lines it seems you're talking to this someone, but this line seems like you're talking about that someone?)

This is not normal.

You got a tattoo yesterday…I’m worried. (And now you've switched back)
You said you were past it, but is anyone really past it? (Maybe a line break after the first it)
I’m not.
You said you didn’t like me,
like that,
but I like you, like that. Maybe a bit of an over use of the word like here. But for this function I guess it's okay)
Can’t I still be worried? Can’t I still love you?
Will you ever let someone love you? (I "like"  how this raps up. It shows our ability to still harbour love long after rejection)

Thanks for the read. I left my comments without reading throught the others as I find it help me leave my own opinion on the piece. So I hope I'm not to redundant   and you find this helpful