Condensation

[i.might.be.a.bit.sad]

Hello again. You guys were so great at helping me with my last personal poem that I thought I would ask for critique on another.


Love evolves, in time and space;
And bed becomes your favourite place
And hours pass within mere minutes.
Sheets so stained, soiled linen,

Tussles in the thick blackness,
Stripped, you lie, upon the mattress.
Windows, murky, thick with mist,
Canvas, for life; in undying ink

You finger the curves of a capital B.
Quickly, on to the delicate E.
No rush now, just two letters left.
Forever and always, I love you Beth.

I really love how the first and last stanzas read. Definitely a love poem, but not so sappy i want to go puke. However, the tone in the middle stanza goes agains the delicate feel of the other two. the words stripped and mattress, murky, tussles...they all create a sort of desperate, lonely, painful atmosphere. Unless you intentionally changed the tone throughout, i would think about rewriting the middle stanza. And even if it is purposeful, maybe lead us into the change so we aren't left thinking "what the hell just happened"
Beautiful poem though, Beth is lucky.