05-15-2015, 04:55 AM
At first glance this may seem to be a one-sided dialog, but in fact is an intense emotion packed inner dialog, the protagonist is indeed squelched by their ability to express forwardly their anxieties, and frustrations and cleverly uses inner dialog in attempts to chastise, and, or inhibit their obviously deeply held convictions to be nice, and sweet, holding back tears in order to be what she feels she needs to be. My suggestion would be to imagine that one is talking with a trusted person, and in this imaginative conversation, ask them what they thought about this girl, and see if, upon returning to examine the words and phrases in the poem... that one might be more forgiving toward your protagonist, after all their is nothing wrong with being sweet, and kind. Perhaps, the protagonist of these sentiments, these feelings, these experiences of being sweet and kind disserve such a poem. Then again, through trusted eyes that can appreciate these things in the protagonist of the poem might be helped to feel more relaxed and allow those feelings to come out easier, and with true convictions that are not so “one-sided”, feelings that may be found to be more true to your-“self,” and giving the poem more balance. If this doesn't do any good and the poem just feels the same, I'm sure there are plenty here who are very caring, feeling, and sweet who can help you work on your poem more productively than I.