05-11-2015, 10:02 PM
Hello Each,
This is my first post on this forum. I'm using the "Serious Critique" because although I have re-edited this piece a couple of times, there are still things I'm not quite happy with. I'm hoping that a bit of workshopping will help me sort it out. Thank you all in advance for anything you may say. Mark.
Strange, strange day.
What need could there be,
To tear out your soul for scrutiny?
Given free will but then given no choices,
The unified strains of a million voices
Ask, "reason or treason,
For which to let go,
The very last strand of the life that you know”?
Tied to the quay of my still beating heart,
My anchor stone of truth.
Why shake me? why break me?
Why take me apart?
What truth could be put upon show?
That for this truth, you would die and desist?
We did it for you love,
For you, they insist.
For you love, we just had to know.
No smiles for that camera,
No lies for that crowd.
No up, no down, no quiet nor loud,
And doing their deeds the foul demons avowed
“The only way back is undone”!
Undo they did,
As my mind detached,
Watching the scene as their vile plots hatched.
I open my mouth, but I don't have my lips.
I don't have my eyes or my fingertips.
I can't feel my feet
Nor my breath expand.
I wander untethered through featureless land.
Yet hidden, I keep in my still beating heart,
My fire stone of youth.
Suddenly, everything stops.
My all in a bubble that pops.
As I fall through the air,
The sky's ripping a tear
In my dreaming, and every limb flops.
Then
Awakened, in puddles of mucus and blood
I lay, as the newly born child.
Wondering why and half drowned in the mud,
But feeling the call of the wild.
Slowly and haze filled,
The turn of the world
Is recalling me, back from the edge.
Sun rising, air chilled,
The future unfurled
In my beating heart, making its pledge.
It's come, I can feel it,
The day of my birth.
The day of the ever long searching for worth.
The day of new stepping upon this green earth,
And of touching a heart with my hand.
Why shake me? why break me?
Why take me apart?
Well isn't it obvious now?
So that none in your world could deny you exist!
We did it for you love,
For you wished this tryst.
For you love are breaking the bough.
This is my first post on this forum. I'm using the "Serious Critique" because although I have re-edited this piece a couple of times, there are still things I'm not quite happy with. I'm hoping that a bit of workshopping will help me sort it out. Thank you all in advance for anything you may say. Mark.
Strange, strange day.
What need could there be,
To tear out your soul for scrutiny?
Given free will but then given no choices,
The unified strains of a million voices
Ask, "reason or treason,
For which to let go,
The very last strand of the life that you know”?
Tied to the quay of my still beating heart,
My anchor stone of truth.
Why shake me? why break me?
Why take me apart?
What truth could be put upon show?
That for this truth, you would die and desist?
We did it for you love,
For you, they insist.
For you love, we just had to know.
No smiles for that camera,
No lies for that crowd.
No up, no down, no quiet nor loud,
And doing their deeds the foul demons avowed
“The only way back is undone”!
Undo they did,
As my mind detached,
Watching the scene as their vile plots hatched.
I open my mouth, but I don't have my lips.
I don't have my eyes or my fingertips.
I can't feel my feet
Nor my breath expand.
I wander untethered through featureless land.
Yet hidden, I keep in my still beating heart,
My fire stone of youth.
Suddenly, everything stops.
My all in a bubble that pops.
As I fall through the air,
The sky's ripping a tear
In my dreaming, and every limb flops.
Then
Awakened, in puddles of mucus and blood
I lay, as the newly born child.
Wondering why and half drowned in the mud,
But feeling the call of the wild.
Slowly and haze filled,
The turn of the world
Is recalling me, back from the edge.
Sun rising, air chilled,
The future unfurled
In my beating heart, making its pledge.
It's come, I can feel it,
The day of my birth.
The day of the ever long searching for worth.
The day of new stepping upon this green earth,
And of touching a heart with my hand.
Why shake me? why break me?
Why take me apart?
Well isn't it obvious now?
So that none in your world could deny you exist!
We did it for you love,
For you wished this tryst.
For you love are breaking the bough.