no need to ask, just post and wait 
love poems are a bugger to do well. at present it could do with some kind of meter watch out for small words that pull the poem to much
Love evolves, in time and space;
bed becomes your favourite place
hours pass within mere minutes.
Sheets so stained, soiled linen,
i hope you're okay with how i did this, it's not a rewrite, it's more an example [just of the 1st 4 lines.] as to how to get a bit better sound from it.
which is the best line to start the poem?
As bed becomes your favourite place i went with the 2nd
And Love evolves in time and space;
hours pass and in them minutes.
Crisp Sheets change to soiled linen.
i've tried not to change it too much. and it could be written in a stronger voice with a more iambic meter.
love poems are a bugger to do well. at present it could do with some kind of meter watch out for small words that pull the poem to much
Love evolves, in time and space;
bed becomes your favourite place
hours pass within mere minutes.
Sheets so stained, soiled linen,
i hope you're okay with how i did this, it's not a rewrite, it's more an example [just of the 1st 4 lines.] as to how to get a bit better sound from it.
which is the best line to start the poem?
As bed becomes your favourite place i went with the 2nd
And Love evolves in time and space;
hours pass and in them minutes.
Crisp Sheets change to soiled linen.
i've tried not to change it too much. and it could be written in a stronger voice with a more iambic meter.
(05-11-2015, 09:12 AM)Bananadon Wrote: Love evolves, in time and space;
And bed becomes your favourite place
And hours pass within mere minutes.
Sheets so stained, soiled linen,
Tussles in the thick blackness,
Stripped, you lie, upon the mattress.
Windows, murky, thick with mist,
Canvas, for life; in undying ink
You finger the curves of a capital B.
Quickly, on to the delicate E.
No rush now, just two letters left.
Forever and always, I love you Beth.