Hail Marie vers. 2 mercedes

[RiverNotch]

Hi river,
I may well stylise this piece with all your comma suggestions. It was not a Damascus moment when I realised that the repetition reward was counter productive. I think there is more economy in your way.
Why Marie? Expediency. It rhymes with "me" last lines.
I am not sure yet about the cheap Hail Marie. I once felt that a worshipful wordiness pervaded this poem...I am no longer sure.
What I am after is simplicity of surface intent but deep waters beneath.
Fail. Perhaps it is not possible.
Best,
tectak

I see the worshipfulness you find here. I think the repetition there works well, just the last stanza doesn't really say anything new about it. Maybe instead of that last stanza, or my earlier suggestion of the first two lines, continue the thought of the dreams in the first stanza's last line? Something like:
'And that dream sorta continues
and in that dream, you sigh
"Hey, yo, Remember me!"
Yes! I do, I do, my hail Marie.'