05-10-2015, 11:44 AM
Hello Erthona, I really appreciate you taking the time to comment on my poem 
I sometimes tend to confuse people through my poems, but I certainly don't do that deliberately, I just put too much thought into them. I believe that the beauty of poetry lies in the fact that people seem to find their own meaning in each line, but of course there is a theme that's clear in my head and I want to convey it as clearly as possible. I will go ahead and reveal that the subject of this poem is domestic violence (and sexual assault). I hope that this information will explain a lot.
This is a puzzling line "forgive your mommy and your daddy for your crying storm"
1. Why is it a crying storm instead of just crying. What point does it make to be said this way?
2. What part do the parents have in creating it, if they in fact do have a part in doing so, even though this is implied?
3. Why is there need for forgiveness?
I think that the subject answers your questions but as for question number one, I chose 'crying storm' instead of plain crying because I wanted to stress that this baby was not simply crying(verb that indicates sorrow) but was also responding emotionally to the vibes that surrounded him/her, like anger and other intense and violent emotions.
"no one knows that you bear inside you a little baby thorn"
Maybe in your native language and culture this idea makes sense, but it holds no value for me. I have thought about it in many ways, especially metaphorical and though I can put it into many different scenarios can not find any that work with the poem as a whole and so I suspect this is a metaphor or idiom from your own culture or language.
Young soul, pure soul, baby of the dawn,
no one knows that you bear inside you a little baby thorn.
Let it feed, let it grow, let it bleed
and soon enough you will be able to leave.
The thorn is a symbol for secrets, no one knew what this baby was going through. The thorn had to be borne like a baby, had to feed inside the baby of the dawn, grow, eventually given birth and exit the body. The baby of the down had to carry these secret until it was the right time for them to be revealed so that he/she can leave home, but until then, he/she had to suffer, imagine carrying inside you a thorn that grows.
"A home has never been a place for the obscene"
Whoa! This sort of comes "out of left field" (that's an American baseball idiom). My though is yes, that has always been true and why are you bringing it up? This and the next line simply seems ad hoc. However it is the last line that convinces that there is something that is going on here that I have no idea about.
Home is the house where this baby had to witness domestic violence and sexual assault.
"you lit the skies as you crawled your way outside that door"
I am fairly certain that there is an underlying meaning, that make these lines make sense. I am also sure that some of the lines are not written very well, for although I am not sure what they mean, I can still tell they are not saying it particularly well. However I am certain that anyone with in-depth knowledge of your culture and also able to read English would understand the meaning of this poem.
Baby of the dawn is not an idiom. This baby belongs to dawn (the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise), the word "of" I guess indicates possession here (I could be wrong on this one).
When it's dawn, the sky is not completely lit, it's a time where darkness is still present until the sun fully rises
In the second stanza this baby is fixed, it's still the baby of the dawn and still hasn't managed to overcome it's struggles, get away from the darkness that possesses it (violent environment or parents) and wasn't able to "leave"(perhaps leave home or leave it's room that it's locked in). It had to be patient and wait until the carriage of the thorn was over, until his/her secret came out or until the baby became an adult.
"Old soul, wise soul, baby once born in dawn,"
This baby is now older( indication that many years have passed), wiser(from these ugly experiences) and free from his/her parents. I stress that this baby was once born in dawn, to indicate that it has now broke free, it might have been born in this violent environment but doesn't belong there anymore. It could also be interpreted this way: This baby is not anymore a possession of his/her parents, they only brought the baby into this world but it's not theirs anymore.
"you lit the skies as you crawled your way outside that door"
This baby finally managed to escape the dawn, to give birth to the thorn and to unlock itself from it's safe room cause it found it's way out of the darkness and lit the skies as if it was the sun. It's not dawn anymore but sunrise.
I hope that all these make sense, some probably won't. I might need to change a few things to make the theme more comprehensible.
I sometimes tend to confuse people through my poems, but I certainly don't do that deliberately, I just put too much thought into them. I believe that the beauty of poetry lies in the fact that people seem to find their own meaning in each line, but of course there is a theme that's clear in my head and I want to convey it as clearly as possible. I will go ahead and reveal that the subject of this poem is domestic violence (and sexual assault). I hope that this information will explain a lot.
This is a puzzling line "forgive your mommy and your daddy for your crying storm"
1. Why is it a crying storm instead of just crying. What point does it make to be said this way?
2. What part do the parents have in creating it, if they in fact do have a part in doing so, even though this is implied?
3. Why is there need for forgiveness?
I think that the subject answers your questions but as for question number one, I chose 'crying storm' instead of plain crying because I wanted to stress that this baby was not simply crying(verb that indicates sorrow) but was also responding emotionally to the vibes that surrounded him/her, like anger and other intense and violent emotions.
"no one knows that you bear inside you a little baby thorn"
Maybe in your native language and culture this idea makes sense, but it holds no value for me. I have thought about it in many ways, especially metaphorical and though I can put it into many different scenarios can not find any that work with the poem as a whole and so I suspect this is a metaphor or idiom from your own culture or language.
Young soul, pure soul, baby of the dawn,
no one knows that you bear inside you a little baby thorn.
Let it feed, let it grow, let it bleed
and soon enough you will be able to leave.
The thorn is a symbol for secrets, no one knew what this baby was going through. The thorn had to be borne like a baby, had to feed inside the baby of the dawn, grow, eventually given birth and exit the body. The baby of the down had to carry these secret until it was the right time for them to be revealed so that he/she can leave home, but until then, he/she had to suffer, imagine carrying inside you a thorn that grows.
"A home has never been a place for the obscene"
Whoa! This sort of comes "out of left field" (that's an American baseball idiom). My though is yes, that has always been true and why are you bringing it up? This and the next line simply seems ad hoc. However it is the last line that convinces that there is something that is going on here that I have no idea about.
Home is the house where this baby had to witness domestic violence and sexual assault.
"you lit the skies as you crawled your way outside that door"
I am fairly certain that there is an underlying meaning, that make these lines make sense. I am also sure that some of the lines are not written very well, for although I am not sure what they mean, I can still tell they are not saying it particularly well. However I am certain that anyone with in-depth knowledge of your culture and also able to read English would understand the meaning of this poem.
Baby of the dawn is not an idiom. This baby belongs to dawn (the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise), the word "of" I guess indicates possession here (I could be wrong on this one).
When it's dawn, the sky is not completely lit, it's a time where darkness is still present until the sun fully rises
In the second stanza this baby is fixed, it's still the baby of the dawn and still hasn't managed to overcome it's struggles, get away from the darkness that possesses it (violent environment or parents) and wasn't able to "leave"(perhaps leave home or leave it's room that it's locked in). It had to be patient and wait until the carriage of the thorn was over, until his/her secret came out or until the baby became an adult.
"Old soul, wise soul, baby once born in dawn,"
This baby is now older( indication that many years have passed), wiser(from these ugly experiences) and free from his/her parents. I stress that this baby was once born in dawn, to indicate that it has now broke free, it might have been born in this violent environment but doesn't belong there anymore. It could also be interpreted this way: This baby is not anymore a possession of his/her parents, they only brought the baby into this world but it's not theirs anymore.
"you lit the skies as you crawled your way outside that door"
This baby finally managed to escape the dawn, to give birth to the thorn and to unlock itself from it's safe room cause it found it's way out of the darkness and lit the skies as if it was the sun. It's not dawn anymore but sunrise.
I hope that all these make sense, some probably won't. I might need to change a few things to make the theme more comprehensible.