05-07-2015, 07:42 AM
(03-31-2015, 12:56 PM)Cyferz Wrote: I was depressed, but now I’m not ( a dot could be inserted here)
For after the battle was fought (you could insert a comma) ('was' could perhaps be replaced with 'is')
The sun will rise, for a new day (dot) (I do not like how the underlined part is written. I believe it could be improved. You could perhaps say : The sun will rise, creating a new day or The run will rise, a new day will emerge or something like that. Just a suggestion )
And all of those I pushed away (comma)
I smile and I hope they see (comma)
That once again, I am me.
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Really really bad! I could've done better but this kinda flowed from me without me really doing anything so I just had to write it.
Lovely poem, love that even though the subject is depression it has a positive tone. Good job!