05-07-2015, 12:23 AM
Leave off the phrase, "says my Dad." It made me think he was the one trying to climb the tree. I think the stanzas need rearranging, especially the exposition of the tree's history. I had to dig for it, but buried in the poem is a childhood experience that I could really identify with. I think you need to uncover it a little more. Especially the way the boredom is colored by a faint distaste, and why you were brought along, but then allowed to go outside (sent outside?) instead of being expected to help.
Lastly, are you just waiting for the 'relations' (shouldn't it be 'relatives' ?)to be finished with their tedious task, or are you waiting for the poisonous monkey tree dust to cause you also to die from bad lungs....?
Carry on. Leah
Lastly, are you just waiting for the 'relations' (shouldn't it be 'relatives' ?)to be finished with their tedious task, or are you waiting for the poisonous monkey tree dust to cause you also to die from bad lungs....?
Carry on. Leah