05-06-2015, 06:36 AM
This was a day where I liked every one of those, though Dale, Billy and Bena just depressed me (especially with her final line), but that's the pain of aging.
My favorite standouts we're Mercedes for its fun and its wicked ending.
I liked Ray's old gardens probably most of all for the way it seemed to circle in on itself and the sequence "...made older by the sun/made brown like the leaves just lovely writing.
There were truly good moments in all the others: the record line (45/33) by Keith, being old is a consensual thing. the lobe of the ears comparison, the last three lines of ella's first stanza, milo's mountains and stars lines. Paul's I do not age/traditionally
This is a day I would revisit for workshop and revision across the board.
My favorite standouts we're Mercedes for its fun and its wicked ending.
I liked Ray's old gardens probably most of all for the way it seemed to circle in on itself and the sequence "...made older by the sun/made brown like the leaves just lovely writing.
There were truly good moments in all the others: the record line (45/33) by Keith, being old is a consensual thing. the lobe of the ears comparison, the last three lines of ella's first stanza, milo's mountains and stars lines. Paul's I do not age/traditionally
This is a day I would revisit for workshop and revision across the board.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson