05-05-2015, 10:36 AM
Autumn breeze and sunset tease
Orange tones and broken leaves <-- what image are you trying paint with orange tone?
Whitest white as fallen snow <--- whitest white seem redundant, and stands odd since all your other lines are an noun followed by a verb
Winter sleeps and nothing grows
Chriping birds and children's play
Spring sunrise and brand new days <--- the sunrise linking back to the sunset was nice
The message of cycle of life is portrayed clearly, I really like how the beginning and ending resonant. However, maybe change the nothing grows line and children's play, because it wasn't very poetic? I think? and a touch of punctuation would be nice
Orange tones and broken leaves <-- what image are you trying paint with orange tone?
Whitest white as fallen snow <--- whitest white seem redundant, and stands odd since all your other lines are an noun followed by a verb
Winter sleeps and nothing grows
Chriping birds and children's play
Spring sunrise and brand new days <--- the sunrise linking back to the sunset was nice
The message of cycle of life is portrayed clearly, I really like how the beginning and ending resonant. However, maybe change the nothing grows line and children's play, because it wasn't very poetic? I think? and a touch of punctuation would be nice