05-04-2015, 05:33 AM
I think a few people have said this: It doesn't read very poetically. I have the same problem myself, as a very novice poet. But that's why we're here, right? To learn from people who know what we're doing.
As fiction prose writer myself, your narrative confuses me a little. What's the point? What exactly are you trying to say and accomplish with this poem? What's the meaning behind it?
I assume it's about a crazy lady in an asylum. The political pictures were an interesting addition. I think they could have been a little better executed though. I had to read it through twice to understand it wasn't actually about politics. (or was it and I'm just stupid?)
Overall, don't let all the critique get you down! You have something interesting here in Ms. Kathleen, the crazy lady debating with President Obama in the white suit. Perhaps you should focus more on your word pictures and analogies, and on the imagery that's driving the poem. Make each choice in wording willfully rather than randomly, to support the narrative.
As fiction prose writer myself, your narrative confuses me a little. What's the point? What exactly are you trying to say and accomplish with this poem? What's the meaning behind it?
I assume it's about a crazy lady in an asylum. The political pictures were an interesting addition. I think they could have been a little better executed though. I had to read it through twice to understand it wasn't actually about politics. (or was it and I'm just stupid?)
Overall, don't let all the critique get you down! You have something interesting here in Ms. Kathleen, the crazy lady debating with President Obama in the white suit. Perhaps you should focus more on your word pictures and analogies, and on the imagery that's driving the poem. Make each choice in wording willfully rather than randomly, to support the narrative.