05-02-2015, 09:30 AM
I may have been on mental edge before reading this poem but IM PRETTY SURE SOME DUST GOT IN MY EYE
The only thing i can think of to say is that i might clear up the wording a little, as the flow isn't prefect, such as the second line. It just doesnt quite go with the rest of the stanza.Also the second line of the second stanza. I think maybe you were going for a rhythm pattern, but to me the second lines just dont work as well. Also, i might change "But you have to learn how to wait, little girl" and change the you have to you've got or take out how.
Everything else is.
"it's time you remembered you have wings"
That line really relates to my current situation, and i really needed this. Thank you for that.
The only thing i can think of to say is that i might clear up the wording a little, as the flow isn't prefect, such as the second line. It just doesnt quite go with the rest of the stanza.Also the second line of the second stanza. I think maybe you were going for a rhythm pattern, but to me the second lines just dont work as well. Also, i might change "But you have to learn how to wait, little girl" and change the you have to you've got or take out how.
Everything else is.
"it's time you remembered you have wings"
That line really relates to my current situation, and i really needed this. Thank you for that.
Sometimes I feel like writing poetry and sometimes I watch Netflix. No judging.