05-02-2015, 09:24 AM
I totally agree with making the first line a whole sentence. I would capitalize He not only to make it grammatically correct but also because this man brings back memories of someone from the narrator's past, and is therefore extremely important in passing. I understand the bowler if it has personal meaning to you, but i would think of changing it to some other article of clothing if you are willing because i think the relative obscurity of a bowler detracts from the power of the poem. Of course that just might be my youth speaking. I really love the last line, it certainly gives an emotional punch (almost an FU to the readers sanity, in a good way) to the poem. I would also add commas to the list part of the poem just to make it more grammatically correct. Overall, i really loved this post, my heartstrings needed a little tug 
Sometimes I feel like writing poetry and sometimes I watch Netflix. No judging.