I LOVE the first stanza, as i read it as a caretaker talking to their charge who is self destructive. Maybe im just projecting my own meaning onto the piece, but still. Powerful. However, i lose the sense of power throughout the rest of the poem. Maybe my interpretation is just super wrong so i started off reading it wrong, but the rest just doesnt make a whole lot of sense. I really like your cut down style (im not one for many epics), but i would think of reading through the piece as if it were prose, and adding punctuation, imagery, and extra words where you think it helps the meaning. Very powerful start to a piece with a deep meaning buried under the wording 
Sometimes I feel like writing poetry and sometimes I watch Netflix. No judging.