05-02-2015, 12:48 AM
This poem is quite the read, but in a bad way. Took me about six read-throughs just to get any sense out of it -- and even with those, what sense I got is as vague and bland as most of the lines (though there is a hint of the concrete betrayed by the emotional context of the first stanza). To qualify my woes:
The first stanza, though a bit off in some of its lines' symmetry, is clear in establishing what the poem wants the reader to feel: a sort of cathartic sympathy for the speaker, who has an unrequited love for a self-destructive person(a). The second stanza continues along this same train, and a hint of the specific is given by the seventh line, a (I'm guessing sensual) list of body-parts. But then, it falls apart, with the third stanza making barely any sense (Who is the one shamed and estranged? Why would "she", who at this point seems to be a temptress, be shamed and estranged at giving "you" her name? Who blamed her (or you) in the eleventh line?), and with the fourth following suit (So he's dying because he lied for her? Why -- or how, since she is never really elaborated on, nor the nature of her relationship with him? What does "strife which you crave" mean?).
I blame a bad sense of direction for this. As noted, there's obviously something specific going on that's the inspiration for this poem -- the problem is, the poet focuses too much on expressing directly her impressions on them, rather than translating those impressions into something understandable. And impressions are themselves nigh-impossible to directly express, especially in poetry -- you have to be direct with what you're saying, either in direct narration of events (though that, if done entirely, would be prose), or through images and symbols (and sounds, if you're wont to believe in the intrinsic value of words), trying as much as possible to avoid the generic, the bland, and the vague. Also, again as noted, a lot of the ideas don't make sense -- with the very subjective focus on impressions, you fail to give the bigger picture, and the pieces lack the backing needed to stand on their own. And for that, the remedy is the same -- be direct, and follow a discernible internal framework for what you write (that is, for every idea, line, word that you put in there, you have to make sure it relates to something within the work, even if that something is a deliberate sense of disorder).
The first stanza, though a bit off in some of its lines' symmetry, is clear in establishing what the poem wants the reader to feel: a sort of cathartic sympathy for the speaker, who has an unrequited love for a self-destructive person(a). The second stanza continues along this same train, and a hint of the specific is given by the seventh line, a (I'm guessing sensual) list of body-parts. But then, it falls apart, with the third stanza making barely any sense (Who is the one shamed and estranged? Why would "she", who at this point seems to be a temptress, be shamed and estranged at giving "you" her name? Who blamed her (or you) in the eleventh line?), and with the fourth following suit (So he's dying because he lied for her? Why -- or how, since she is never really elaborated on, nor the nature of her relationship with him? What does "strife which you crave" mean?).
I blame a bad sense of direction for this. As noted, there's obviously something specific going on that's the inspiration for this poem -- the problem is, the poet focuses too much on expressing directly her impressions on them, rather than translating those impressions into something understandable. And impressions are themselves nigh-impossible to directly express, especially in poetry -- you have to be direct with what you're saying, either in direct narration of events (though that, if done entirely, would be prose), or through images and symbols (and sounds, if you're wont to believe in the intrinsic value of words), trying as much as possible to avoid the generic, the bland, and the vague. Also, again as noted, a lot of the ideas don't make sense -- with the very subjective focus on impressions, you fail to give the bigger picture, and the pieces lack the backing needed to stand on their own. And for that, the remedy is the same -- be direct, and follow a discernible internal framework for what you write (that is, for every idea, line, word that you put in there, you have to make sure it relates to something within the work, even if that something is a deliberate sense of disorder).