nests

[Todd]

Thanks for your help, Todd.  Won't an "and" in stanza three, throw off the sentence?  I'm using pluck as the verb for beaks- it's confusing.  Could I simply remove cracks and add a comma after gray?  Does "gray" alone refer back to the asphalt well enough, mentioned in stanza 2?

I keep fiddling with the ending and wonder if more attention should be given to the concept of the building of homes / nests with something slight in the end to tie together stanza 4 and 5 such as (and to tie together old view, winter / new view, spring):

"Now that crabapple blossoms screen the alley,
we open windows, emerge from what we’ve built  
to take in the floral view, breath in the fresh air
and sing in concert with the birds' joyful arias."

Does that help or hinder?  I don't really like floral view but I'm trying to contrast the rather dismal winter view with the flowering trees and the being inside nests and emerging with springtime. I can't get it to work. Maybe I'm over complicating matters.

Anne

I like gray for its versatility. It can be the gray of winter or the gray of the road surface.


For the last strophe, I like how you have it now. I think it's a more clean image. I wouldn't change it to the new suggestion (which seems more cluttered to me).

Maybe a the instead of an and then with the cracks, beaks.

I think you need to trust that your reader will make the connection with the season shift. I think they will.

Best,

Todd