nests

[Todd]

Anne, before I comment on the revision let me address some of the questions, even some that I didn't raise.

First we usually post revisions above the original poem by doing a full edit and noting Rev or Rev 1 in the title.

Rev

Poem

~~~
Original

Poem

Sort of like that. It stops people from commenting on your original when you've made changes. People may not read the thread first because they want to look at the poem fresh and not be influenced by other comments. If you'd like to do that and need help please let me know.

Questions:

Home Depot/West Elm: Using a business name though fixes the poem in a certain time and robs it off a more universal appeal. If I thought Home Depot added something more that what hardware store would give you, I would consider keeping it. As it is, I don't think it does. You're right the same is probably true for West Elm. Possible substitutes, maybe contrast the field markets with artisan showroom. Just a thought.

Freezer truck: I knew what you were going for, but let me ask you how important is it for the ice to drop off the truck and melt? Is ice being in the scene enough? I can't answer that, but its important to ask yourself what that specific construction is buying the poem thematically. If it doesn't need to be there pare it down. If it does, it just needs language clean up. Oh, and onto is a better choice.

flowering crabapple: I prefer this to the more generic flowering trees or the like. As to capitalization, while there are exceptions when a plant is named after a person or place (and even then only sometimes), it is almost always lowercase.

I'll read the revision a bit now, and do a separate post later after I've thought about it some.

Best,

Todd