APPLEWEED

[tectak]

APPLEWEED

PART I: GARDEN IN THE SKY

Exploding supernova in a Western sky:
Mystic dark portent, or the evil eye?
Seems every hour another star in our galaxy dies:
Tell me, where did all the Appleweed take root
In our garden in the sky?

Like faceless marionettes in some grotesque display,
Contorted caricatures from some frightening play;
Sometimes, it seems that all our dreams of Passion’s endless spark
Are lost in green, or torn in twain, we take
Small solace in the dark…

My heart cries: lovely lady, don’t lose heart,
Don’t lose your peace of mind.
Don’t let yourself be torn apart,
Don’t leave this love behind.
If you feel that on your part
You gave too much too free;
Lovely lady, if you must lose heart,
Then please, re-lose your heart to me…

PART II: TWO STRANGE WORLDS

My love lives in two strange worlds: in one, I’m just a fool:
One world short of Eden, one beyond Ultima Thule
One world where it’s difficult to predict day and night:
Confused by alternating tidal waves
Of hate and love and spite…

And, in one of those two strange worlds, reality can bend;
Here, every argument’s a means to justify an end-
Through nights of helpless waiting, there is nothing I can do:
We never know, when I lie down with you,
Which world we’ll wake up to…

My heart cries: lovely lady, don’t lose heart,
Don’t lose your peace of mind.
Don’t let yourself be torn apart,
Don’t leave this love behind.
If you feel that on your part
You gave too much too free;
Lovely lady, if you must lose heart,
Then please, re-lose your heart to me…

Exploding supernova in a Western sky:
Mystic dark portent, or the evil eye?
Seems every hour another star in our galaxy dies:
Tell me, where did all the Appleweed take root
In our garden in the sky?

Hi,
As others have made clear it is difficult to critique lyrics, and that is what you present us with here, in any way which could improve the poetic dynamic. If you had maintained the cover, and not divulged the prime intent, then critique would be biased against the piece on several levels...all poetic.
So, notwithstanding your obvious sincerity in seeking improvement of the "lyrics", and as you are not self-aggrandising, nor are you promoting your work towards commercial gain, I suggest two things...one of which is a fait accompli, the other is up to you.
I will move this whole thread to where it surely belongs, Miscellaneous, and leave you to decide what to do with it should you wish to "convert" it to a piece of poetry. There is nothing wrong with posting lyrics in Misc. but you are better placed there to get what you want from this site.
Best,
tectak