04-29-2015, 12:37 PM
Nice slalom between pained yearning and a subtle sense of humour. I do agree that the word "trick" in the second stanza doesn't quite flow, but I think you should leave the third stanza as is, the suggested alternatives subdue the humour of it.
But hey, I'm a novice, so I'm not really comfortable telling people how to articulate their soul, haha.
But hey, I'm a novice, so I'm not really comfortable telling people how to articulate their soul, haha.