Senior Year

[Erthona]

Glad this has been moved to novice. Just some quick observations, although it appears as though the writer may never return. Still, I had fun.

Dale

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my mother's body slams

against a wall or a door, or lamp, or cow or 79' Vega
the thump is dead, yet although dead,
it mocks her (would that be the mother or the body)

I rip the bathroom door from its hinges (I am he-man)

imagine the firm handshake  (I'd rather not, you're the writer, you do it)
my father once showed me (Here child, let me demonstrate for you the firm hand shake that can rip a door off it's hinges!)

my mother and I part

as if he is Moses and we are the Red Sea (So your dad is on a mission from God?)
he half tumbles down the stairs  (so what is the other half?)
whisky becomes lead in the blood stream (so he is dead?) whiskey is spelt wrong

the car lurches backward

a diagonal course  (for a car to move diagonally all four wheels would need to turn)
those marks will scar the grass (well no. It might scar the ground, but not the grass, grass grows new each year)
for years (and not for years, as the grass would quickly begin breaking up the soil and returning it to an even distribution)

Where to break this...hmmm!
my mother's vocal cords have seized her body (and)
hugs the memory of my father's driver's seat

That seems to make the most sense.