T-Bone (2.0)

[tectak]

Bodies broken. Bright red
sharpened sirens grating on
head in hands. Atop the hood,
assembly strewn cement
taunts white-knuckles
tearfully.

Hi hopeful,
Post earthquake? If so, why so obscure. As a general observation, poetic imagery is improved by clarity ( it is a reciprocated arrangement) and made worse by obscurity. Of course, the false universality of the obscure poem (I like to let the reader interpret my work however blah....blah....blah) is only ever exceeded by the inability of both reader and writer to communicate in any meaningful ( the mot juste) way. That's how it is.
In this piece there is portraiture. The singularity is excellent. Where it fails is in consistency of detail...as if the original artist went for a piss and somebody else took over, daubing on the canvas out of spite. The analogy works because the daubing is words...call them brushstrokes. I think an impostor daubed atop, assembly and tearfully.
Best,
tectak.
( If it is not about the recent tragic events in Nepal...well, it is your fault I thought it was.)