APPLEWEED

[hopefularahant]

APPLEWEED

PART I: GARDEN IN THE SKY

Exploding supernova in a Western sky:
Mystic dark portent, or the evil eye?
Seems every hour another star in our galaxy dies:
Tell me, where did all the Appleweed take root
In our garden in the sky?

Like faceless marionettes in some grotesque display,
Contorted caricatures from some frightening play;
Sometimes, it seems that all our dreams of Passion’s endless spark
Are lost in green, or torn in twain, we take
Small solace in the dark…

My heart cries: lovely lady, don’t lose heart,
Don’t lose your peace of mind.
Don’t let yourself be torn apart,
Don’t leave this love behind.
If you feel that on your part
You gave too much too free;
Lovely lady, if you must lose heart,
Then please, re-lose your heart to me…

PART II: TWO STRANGE WORLDS

My love lives in two strange worlds: in one, I’m just a fool:
One world short of Eden, one beyond Ultima Thule
One world where it’s difficult to predict day and night:
Confused by alternating tidal waves
Of hate and love and spite…

And, in one of those two strange worlds, reality can bend;
Here, every argument’s a means to justify an end-
Through nights of helpless waiting, there is nothing I can do:
We never know, when I lie down with you,
Which world we’ll wake up to…

My heart cries: lovely lady, don’t lose heart,
Don’t lose your peace of mind.
Don’t let yourself be torn apart,
Don’t leave this love behind.
If you feel that on your part
You gave too much too free;
Lovely lady, if you must lose heart,
Then please, re-lose your heart to me…

Exploding supernova in a Western sky:
Mystic dark portent, or the evil eye?
Seems every hour another star in our galaxy dies:
Tell me, where did all the Appleweed take root
In our garden in the sky?

I had a difficulty understanding this at all to tell the truth, so i wont try to guess or make any statements as to what youre saying. And though poetry is about using heightened language and sometimes odd or confusing symbols, anything too confusing becomes downright tedious. That said, the stanza i enjoyed and understood the best was the third in part two (the last in part one), great stanza. The others, i feel lost, not just in the subject matter, but the odd rhyme scheme that changes (and sometimes rhymes the same word), the sort of clunky rhythm, and repetition. Repetition is used to underline or emphasize an idea, but i think repeating whole stanzas makes the poem uneccesarily long and dangerously repetitive. Not sure about the grammatical accuracy of your punctuation, but your use of it is interesting. Picking a rhyme scheme and maybe changing the line lengths or adding some sort of meter would be the first steps i would take if you were to revise this.
Just my opinion