04-26-2015, 03:51 AM
Brenkin,
A Writer's Block is very frustrating. When it happens to them, poets and songwriters still sometimes manage to write about it, in verse and song.
Sometimes that leads readers / listeners to conclude that the block may not be as serious as the writer would have them believe.
Having been there/done that, I empathise with the sentiment of your poem but feel that the rhyme and rhythm structure need attention as they currently trip this effort up.
Verse 1 seems to work on an AABA rhyme structure, while Verse 2 moves to an ABAA structure.
Also the line length and syllable stress structure (rhythm) changes from V1 to V2: V1 being easy and simple, V2 being more complex. For me as a reader that creates an unexpected bump in the flow.
The last two lines, to my ear, seem to hang without resolution.
There are good bits: the internal rhyme ( late / irate) in line 1 of Verse 1, and alliteration (in line 3 Verse 1) all work well for me.
As I first read the first three lines of this poem, I expected the fourth to fall into an AABB rhyme structure like this perhaps:
I sat up late, irate at night.
A spark I thought would once ignite,
my mind, a match, I threw away.
I could not think of words to say.
but the surprising fourth line rhyme caught my interest .
Consider rewriting V2 with a similar structure?
-Psyve
A Writer's Block is very frustrating. When it happens to them, poets and songwriters still sometimes manage to write about it, in verse and song.
Sometimes that leads readers / listeners to conclude that the block may not be as serious as the writer would have them believe.
Having been there/done that, I empathise with the sentiment of your poem but feel that the rhyme and rhythm structure need attention as they currently trip this effort up.
Verse 1 seems to work on an AABA rhyme structure, while Verse 2 moves to an ABAA structure.
Also the line length and syllable stress structure (rhythm) changes from V1 to V2: V1 being easy and simple, V2 being more complex. For me as a reader that creates an unexpected bump in the flow.
The last two lines, to my ear, seem to hang without resolution.
There are good bits: the internal rhyme ( late / irate) in line 1 of Verse 1, and alliteration (in line 3 Verse 1) all work well for me.
As I first read the first three lines of this poem, I expected the fourth to fall into an AABB rhyme structure like this perhaps:
I sat up late, irate at night.
A spark I thought would once ignite,
my mind, a match, I threw away.
I could not think of words to say.
but the surprising fourth line rhyme caught my interest .
Consider rewriting V2 with a similar structure?
-Psyve