04-25-2015, 11:06 PM
I read this as being about someone who suffers from nightmares and has a fear of darkness and imagined terrors that darkness brings with it.
I thought this was quite well written generally, and your comparison of the real dangers that lurk outdoors at night, with the imagined dangers in the shadows of your bedroom works well, in my opinion.
The recurring nightmare of drowning , falling through thin ice into the claustrophobic darkness of the freezing waters below , getting swallowed by both, darkness and suffocating water, comes across nicely.
That said, for some reason, the line "When I sleep, I never turn off my room's light, a sun lamp." seems a bit.... odd... to me. I don't mean the content: I understand what you want to say.... perhaps it's HOW you say it in this line that troubles me and you may want to reconsider it.
Incidentally, though "Vespertine" has a better ring to it, it actually refers to the EVENING rather than to the NIGHT. I suspect what you are talking about would be better described by "Nocturnal".
That said, all in all, I enjoyed this dark read.... (no pun intended).
Psyve
I thought this was quite well written generally, and your comparison of the real dangers that lurk outdoors at night, with the imagined dangers in the shadows of your bedroom works well, in my opinion.
The recurring nightmare of drowning , falling through thin ice into the claustrophobic darkness of the freezing waters below , getting swallowed by both, darkness and suffocating water, comes across nicely.
That said, for some reason, the line "When I sleep, I never turn off my room's light, a sun lamp." seems a bit.... odd... to me. I don't mean the content: I understand what you want to say.... perhaps it's HOW you say it in this line that troubles me and you may want to reconsider it.
Incidentally, though "Vespertine" has a better ring to it, it actually refers to the EVENING rather than to the NIGHT. I suspect what you are talking about would be better described by "Nocturnal".
That said, all in all, I enjoyed this dark read.... (no pun intended).
Psyve