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Poetry in Real time
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04-25-2015, 03:15 AM
Would probably remove "has", and "Good for him" feels too far from the earlier stanza -- I get all breathless with that break, but, I think, for no real reason. Otherwise, good, but I hate the last two lines, not because they're any bad, but because right now, a sunny three pm here means hell on earth, it's so hot.
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Poetry in Real time - by Tiger the Lion - 04-03-2015, 01:32 AM
RE: Poetry in Real time - by ellajam - 04-03-2015, 01:36 AM
RE: Poetry in Real time - by srijantje - 04-03-2015, 01:35 PM
RE: Poetry in Real time - by Erthona - 04-03-2015, 02:13 PM
RE: Poetry in Real time - by 71degrees - 04-04-2015, 11:21 AM
RE: Poetry in Real time - by Tiger the Lion - 04-04-2015, 01:24 PM
RE: Poetry in Real time - by Tiger the Lion - 04-15-2015, 04:01 AM
RE: Poetry in Real time - by RiverNotch - 04-25-2015, 03:15 AM
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