< today i was looking at the sky >

[rayheinrich]

I like this style of logical (or illogical) thought progression. I think some punctuation would help because when I tried reading it aloud, I really didn't have any idea where I should put emphasis, stop/slow down, etc. Even stream of consciousness uses punctuation. I think adding an ellipsis at the very end would be especially beneficially, since I get the idea that the "was" is supposed to trail off, but it would be nice from a reader's perspective to have more direction.

My not using punctuation was terribly intentional as I was trying to create the 'illogical thought progression'
(nicely termed) of someone in love. Also (not completely irrelevant), most of my
poems lack punctuation marks. There is a big (almost gigantic) difference between 'punctuation'
and 'punctuation marks'. 'Punctuation marks' are a small subset of 'punctuation'. Where this is most
evident is when a poem is read out loud. When you read a poem out loud, there are no punctuation
marks, but there IS punctuation (a thousand times more or so ). Pauses, speedups, the almost
infinite amount of communication using body language, etc. etc.  In this poem their are two predominate
punctuations. The first is the 'line break' and second is 'phrasal repetition'.

Oh, jeez, I've gone on too long about the differences. I have gone on much longer in a zillion
old threads in the PigPen because it's a bit of a fetish with me.

But, I understand the criticism and I certainly make use of the marks every once in a while
and I am NOT (for the most part) a ranting egomaniac. Well, ok, I am; but I truly don't want
to be considered an effete snob. There is NO criticism I have ever received that didn't teach
me something.

I'm pathetically happy you took the time to read the damn thing; and I've become tragically fulfilled
by the very thought you would take the time to comment.

If you'll notice above, I have added an ellipsis at the end of the poem. This is a good idea.

Thanks
ray