04-24-2015, 01:13 AM
Hey, I think your first three stanzas are so good and effective, that the fourth one seems unnecessary. It's kind of the classic "show, don't tell" predicament. I like how you use the different effects the grief of heartbreak has on the body to get your point across because it does convey helplessness and a feeling of destruction. The last stanza is not as strong, in my opinion. Maybe that's the point, though. Did you mean for it to be less organized because that's how the speaker is feeling at that point? As in, having more of a mental down spiral, rather than the experience being limited to the physical alone?