04-24-2015, 12:57 AM
I like this style of logical (or illogical) thought progression. I think some punctuation would help because when I tried reading it aloud, I really didn't have any idea where I should put emphasis, stop/slow down, etc. Even stream of consciousness uses punctuation. I think adding an ellipsis at the very end would be especially beneficially, since I get the idea that the "was" is supposed to trail off, but it would be nice from a reader's perspective to have more direction.