Summer in Bed-Stuy

[TimeOut]

So I know Bed-Stuy is a gentrified part of Brooklyn, so i understand the language usage. However, I'm not sure it all works for the poem. The addition of the Spanish is honestly enough for me to understand the effects of gentrification. I would be interested in seeing you push that juxtaposition between the two languages.

Summer in Bed-Stuy

Step on a crack
You'll break mother's
Backthis isn't a strong beginning. Its too cliche. It could be interesting to consider what the phrase means and how you could reword.

Chicos
Come eat your hotdogs
Before they get coldThis is too simplified. I want to see a relationship between a hotdog getting cold and the gentrification of  Bed-stuy. but maybe thats just me reading into it too much.

Baby please listen
It's not like I'm selling crack
Like anyone on this block try rearranging the stanzas, so the two dialogues between the speaker and "baby" are feeding off each other rather than separated.

You got your church clothes
Dirty again
Your abuela is gonna matarteThis is where the poem gets stronger for me. You've introduced the spanish as well as some of the cultural importance with the church clothing.

It's only a year lease baby
And look
We're only steps from the G

Your tio Raul is out today

Seth just texted me about this rooftop party

Please no piensen en ayer

Do I really have to call Raul for our shit,
again?

Im not sure why the last four lines are broken up. This is distracting to me. It also doesn't end very strong. It could be interesting if you begin the poem in Spanish fully and as it reaches the end changes into English and ends in full English. This transition could be an interesting and strong way to show the gentrification.  

The last lines are broken up to show the two very distinct worlds of the poem. One being the uncle of some child, the other being that same person selling drugs to the people in the neighborhood. Anyways, I love the idea of beginning in Spanish and slowly switching to English, actually, more than I love the initial draft of this poem...give me a day and let me see if I can rework it. Thank you. THANK YOU...for the feedback.