04-16-2015, 12:58 AM
Hey Tectak. A nicely efficient piece whose central metaphor spans decades. I agree with River on this point:
"I just can't imagine all of the lights dying so splendidly. I mean, I guess there's a hint of the poem's conclusion in that explosive image, but touching on the reverse would give that whole bit added senses of depth and mystique."
I wonder if something anecdotal, almost parenthetical, might add to the reader's experience.
Eg. tell us how the first light went out when little Billy Bastard threw a rock at it and smashed its face...
or
tell us how the first went out when old Ms. Widow ploughed it with her car...
--These are not specific suggestions, of course, but I think a brief (likely allegorical) anecdote might pull more readers into your personal space.
I could, of course be completely wrong.
Paul
"I just can't imagine all of the lights dying so splendidly. I mean, I guess there's a hint of the poem's conclusion in that explosive image, but touching on the reverse would give that whole bit added senses of depth and mystique."
I wonder if something anecdotal, almost parenthetical, might add to the reader's experience.
Eg. tell us how the first light went out when little Billy Bastard threw a rock at it and smashed its face...
or
tell us how the first went out when old Ms. Widow ploughed it with her car...
--These are not specific suggestions, of course, but I think a brief (likely allegorical) anecdote might pull more readers into your personal space.
I could, of course be completely wrong.
Paul