Superman’s journey to the underworld. Edit

[LorettaYoung]

Edit 1 

I saw bits of you scattered 
across a field—fragments swaying
with grasses, and spirits, and reeds.
You smelled of spring and fresh rain. 

Now transmission towers press cold
metal stalks against the earth’s scalp.
Your dreams still dangle on their wires
like clothes on a line. 

Im superman
on a bike atop the tallest hill in suburbia,
watching the sun crash.

I pedal so fast
that I’m faster than a speeding bullet.
The breeze blows your head back together,
and your dreams, like confetti,
pour over us.

I bundle you in sheets 
of gauze and bandaids
and tape you to the back of my bike. 
We ride to some place distant. 

Its a year ago
i’m snapping a KitKat in half
while you struggle to express
where you want to be. 

Original

You were scattered
across the grasses and reeds
blood mingled with the dew.

You’re in the horizon now
with transmission towers
tethered to what's left
of your eyes.

I’m superman
on a bike
atop the tallest hill in Cleves.

I pedal faster then a speeding bullet,
and the breeze blows
your head back together.

You gasp, “Hell”
I press my palm
tight against your lips.
We ride to Tennessee.

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Hi: I very much like your edit.  The imagery is stimulating and has a nice natural rhythm.  And, you have really clarified the issues I did not a first understand. Best Loretta