04-13-2015, 02:36 AM
(04-10-2015, 09:55 AM)Jkobrinart Wrote: I like this poem. It's a good start. I would try to focus more clarity into the action of the poem, to get clear in your mind of what is happening and has happened. The calling her his angel thing seems to have been dropped in there and not thoroughly elaborated. It makes me question exactly what you're trying to convey.In the context of the poem, calling her "angel" might be construed as condescending…at least that was what "she" was responding to (or in this case, not responding to). Maybe that's the point…it's just a "thing" to him and she knows it. After all, they've been together for five years now and have sex for sure every Saturday, and yet "angel" means nothing to her. But if none of this is coming through to you, I may need to rethink. Thanks.