04-11-2015, 02:16 AM
Hey Loretta. I think a poem can be successful in lots of different ways. In this case you've inspired me to go back and watch a film I haven't seen in years, based on a play I haven't read since school. So congrats! I have some thoughts but I will save them for the moment. ( only because the film may offer me additional context) I agree with most of Ella's observations and your explanations, so I think there is plenty for you to chew on for now. As for the last line, the syllable count by itself does not always reflect perfect line length. It takes care of the math, but not the mood. I see no reason why you couldn't use the movie line much closer to verbatim. You're never going to cram "appreciate" in there, but the rest is manageable and can still be given your own angle. I'm off to make popcorn now - I'll be back.
Paul
Paul