04-01-2015, 03:38 PM
I picture a strong, yet fragile source of hope, strugging against the unnamed evil that is dragging it down. The narrator is begging it to not be a coward and hide, but truly fight against this evil, which it seems reluctant to do. this could easily be one internal struggle (how I picture it), or a great battle (which is too cliche for me to enjoy).
You need some variation in your vocabulary to include less words that end in -ight, since you seem to be using them Just for the sake of the rhyme. some lines seem to have no point to them and are just repeating what has already been said in other lines ("Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight"), while others use a rhyming word when it seems out of place and awkward, and could have been replaced with a much more accurate word that you wanted if you were not limited by the rhyme scheme. ("Darkest of might", "the black will ignite"). You really need to ditch the rhyme scheme and rephrase your sentences for what you truly want it to mean, not just what seems to fit.
You need some variation in your vocabulary to include less words that end in -ight, since you seem to be using them Just for the sake of the rhyme. some lines seem to have no point to them and are just repeating what has already been said in other lines ("Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight"), while others use a rhyming word when it seems out of place and awkward, and could have been replaced with a much more accurate word that you wanted if you were not limited by the rhyme scheme. ("Darkest of might", "the black will ignite"). You really need to ditch the rhyme scheme and rephrase your sentences for what you truly want it to mean, not just what seems to fit.