softwater stone

[RooktoKing]

There is a tumbling stone that carves its path into mud, squelching little trailssquelching sounds like what boots do
of sweat and blood and bathing itself in grime, pressing onI am particular to visceral imagery, so I like sweat and blood, but wonder why the stone is sweating/bleeding/bathing?
because its desire for that bubbling pool at the end of the road is so sweet,
so tantalising, that it cannot cling to the slippery soil and hold itself.like slippery soil, but this is way wordy

It hits the water with a splash, the oiled grime that coated it washed offwordy.
without another breath, along with the desirewhy is the rock breathing?
now fulfilled…why ellipses? IMO they weaken a poem. make strong statements!

but soon, the salt water burns the little bruises that litter its coarse formlike the idea of salt and purifying, but stones don't bruise?
and its soul burns, burns with the echo of pain that followsmelodramatic
that pleasure, and it sinks, that heavy stone, as the water rises up
in embrace and envelops it: together still, as on the horizon the sunnice imagery, but poorly executed
slips away into dark.

So the main issue with this, in my opinion, is that I really have no idea what is going on in this poem. My mentor has always emphasized the importance of having a narrative that makes sense to a reader. In this, I am very lost. You've personified the stone a bunch, making it seem like it should be a metaphor for something (maybe?), or perhaps just a dramatized account of a stone rolling into a river? Why is the stone rolling? Is there a reason it wants to be in the water so bad? What is the end supposed to mean? Why does the stone have a soul?

I think you've got a way with words, and obviously a good imagination. But you need to make your poems clear enough for the reader to grasp what is going on. And as someone before me said, be careful of falling into cliche and melodrama. Hope that helps now onto the "fun" part...editing!