Beneath a Purple Sky edit #1

[christophx]

Edit # 1:

For the first half hour we sat in a field,
convinced each stray thought was the first ripple of the trip.
 
We took turns saying “I think I feel something”, until eventually,
we stopped thinking altogether.
 
Gradually, each surface became laminated:
sunlight bouncing with every movement,
shining from all angles.
 
A helicopter seed spun down with a breeze
that drew goosebumps on my arms
and patterns in the grass.
 
I was the first to laugh.

Original:

For the first half hour we sat in a field,
convinced each stray thought was the first ripple of the trip.
 
We took turns saying “I think I feel something”, until eventually,
we stopped thinking altogether.
 
Gradually, each surface seemed to become laminated:
sunlight bouncing with every movement,
shining from all angles.

Really interesting although I'm definitely left hanging, I feel that you should really consider adding more as this poem has a lot of room for movement. This piece kind of gave off a romantic, care free vibe which I really enjoyed and I hope you choose to embellish this further