a kiss

[LorettaYoung]

I have been trying some less structured stuff and am confused with where to take it. Looking at something too much one loses perspective, so would love some feedback. Also - this subject, a kiss, can become cliche quickly so I'm trying to figure out how best to go about it. Thanks for any critique!

A kiss
A delicate hand-written message
speaks in heavy-breath metaphor,
punctuated by eyes.

A touch signs the letter -
I eagerly await to read, boldly written in
fluent body language.

Lips say more when unattached to words.
Closing our eyes –
we converse.

I like this metaphor, a agree with Tiger's suggestion as to change. "Punctuated by eyes>" does seem awkwa; rd. It could be said another way, but I think you could make this a little personal by using either his/her eyes in some way here as you do later with and "I" and "we"/ Nice image
and statement. Loretta