03-29-2015, 06:36 AM
A single rhyme can work in a poem, but this is unfortunately not that poem. Look at how many times you waste the "white" rhyme by using it within your lines. Not only that, but you have drawn on some dreadfully cliched phrases -- "glisten so bright", "hear my plight", "put up a fight", "gleaming white knight". And, as has been pointed out, "in your vast fright" is almost entirely nonsensical. You have missed several opportunities to create something new -- although hope fighting through darkness is not a unique theme, you could use unique phrasing to lift this from the pits of cliche and you could even do it with your monorhyme if you tried a bit harder and removed those lines that are the most forced. Stick with your initial vision for the poem -- don't let it be hijacked by rhyme.
It could be worse