An Old Book

[BW BRINE]

Hi everyone, thanks for giving so much feedback! My responses are below:

The imagery of dust settling is great and I like where this is going. Some feedback:

In the poem I am seeing three characters - the book (you), the dust (she), and the last line implies to me that there is someone reading the book (you). I can't quite piece these together into a crisp metaphor. Given it is a short work I think tightening the use of the metaphor would be very helpful to the reader. Is she doing the reading or is she going to be the dust? Or is being read many times a metaphor for getting old? Clearing this up through your last three lines would do a service to your poem in my eyes.

You say it should be cleared up through the last three lines.

You've correctly seen the relationship between the main characters, me and she. The last line is supposed to be that other people have already read the book (people that are neither me nor she), as in other people that I have been in relationships with.

Given that new information, how would you recommend adding detail to help the reader understand that bit?

I like the shorter poems that can be up for interpretation easier. Allowing the audience to open their minds and meld it in their world. But I feel like with this short poem, you had a direction and a purpose from the start, that didn't have the time to put in the context for us to read how it was meant to be read. I felt like there was not a way to get my foot in door, to truly experience the poem for what it really is. And from the conclusion I've read in your other comments, A woman is settling on you, since you are not the best of men. That isn't very clear (if I'm even right) since I feel most of the focus in this poem is focused on the book. Like the book is the biggest character in this poem.

*Edited Grammatical mistakes.

Although you appear to be unsure, you've got it exactly right. That was the intent.

The book is a metaphor for me. So since the focus is the book, it's also on me. How would I go about clearing that up further?

i see the metaphor but i think it needs more clarity elsewhere

I am not the greatest man,
so she says: "you are here". where is [here]?
She will settle like the dust from here everything works well for me though settling like dust is somewhat cliche
on an old book,
re-read too many times to open up again.

-BW BRINE

Hi billy,

"you are here":
That, I agree, is one major flaw in this poem. I couldn't find a good way to say it. It's supposed to be that she is saying she loves me just because I am there (here). So kind of like, I don't love you, but you're here so that's fine. In the same way she is settling; I'm not her knight in shining armor, but I'm there, and that's good enough for her at this point.

I think it is quite interesting for the metaphors you have used. I think maybe it is better to use “dust” to describe yourself as you wrote that “I am not the greatest man”, and the girl is the “reader” who keep reading the books, and you are willing to settle like a dust on the book to accompany the girl.

Hi kwokfreya,

The intent of the poem was to imply that she is settling on me, not that I am settling on her. Hence, I am not the greatest man - she settles (on me) like the dust on a book (which the analogy implies is me).


Also, everyone, there's another part of the poem that I have been forgetting to talk about. But it is the very last line: "re-read too many times to open up again". What I am trying to say here is that I've opened up and "been read" to and by so many people that I'm tentative to open up again. Perhaps why I am not the greatest man? How can I better implement this idea into the framework of the story? I'm not opposed to adding a few more lines to clear some stuff up.