03-28-2015, 08:02 AM
Yeah, I have to agree "a bridge too far", it is trite and seems ad hoc as it is used here, making it appear as a forced rhyme.
"Mum said cider ones
with all their E's"
Evidently a British thing, but I haven't a clue what "cider ones" are, or why they have many "E's". So as far as I am concerned it is disruptive to the poem. Personally I could stand with a little more fleshing out to give it greater substance. For me, there simply wasn't enough there to be able to connect with the speaker and care about him, so at the end, the statement has less of an impact on me than it should.
Dale
"Mum said cider ones
with all their E's"
Evidently a British thing, but I haven't a clue what "cider ones" are, or why they have many "E's". So as far as I am concerned it is disruptive to the poem. Personally I could stand with a little more fleshing out to give it greater substance. For me, there simply wasn't enough there to be able to connect with the speaker and care about him, so at the end, the statement has less of an impact on me than it should.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.