03-27-2015, 02:54 AM
"O why dove, why dove, sit alone in your vast fright? (What does "sit alone in your vast fright?" mean exactly?)
While the blackness swells to swarm on this very night! ("Blackness swells to swarm" do you really think it can do that?)
Fly dove, fly dove, give the world your shimmering light! (Ah, now you introduce this fantasy of a dove that puts off light, light enough to give to the whole world, with totally no support for doing so)
With feathers of white, oh how they glisten so bright!
Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight! (what is "it"?)
Pulling us down, with the untold darkest of might! (The blackness has the darkness of might?)
I cry dove, cry dove, will you not hear my plight?"
Obviously the writer is using "dove" and "darkness" symbolically. Unfortunately the reader is never given even a hint of what "dove" and "darkness" are suppose to symbolize. Dove is often symbolic of peace, but it can also be love, hope and freedom, to name a few. Darkness can be used to symbolize anything from evil to fear to mystery, with many stops in between. Beyond that most of your lines make no sense. Doves wings as a rule do not generally glow like a light, so there is something the reader is not being told, that he needs to be told, for this to make sense. This is not to mention the use of the same rhyme is like a ball peen hammer to the head, or the inexplicable use of such annoying repetition.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
While the blackness swells to swarm on this very night! ("Blackness swells to swarm" do you really think it can do that?)
Fly dove, fly dove, give the world your shimmering light! (Ah, now you introduce this fantasy of a dove that puts off light, light enough to give to the whole world, with totally no support for doing so)
With feathers of white, oh how they glisten so bright!
Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight! (what is "it"?)
Pulling us down, with the untold darkest of might! (The blackness has the darkness of might?)
I cry dove, cry dove, will you not hear my plight?"
Obviously the writer is using "dove" and "darkness" symbolically. Unfortunately the reader is never given even a hint of what "dove" and "darkness" are suppose to symbolize. Dove is often symbolic of peace, but it can also be love, hope and freedom, to name a few. Darkness can be used to symbolize anything from evil to fear to mystery, with many stops in between. Beyond that most of your lines make no sense. Doves wings as a rule do not generally glow like a light, so there is something the reader is not being told, that he needs to be told, for this to make sense. This is not to mention the use of the same rhyme is like a ball peen hammer to the head, or the inexplicable use of such annoying repetition.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.