Heaven Scent

[BW BRINE]

The two of them have been together five years
now, through all the pages of her diary,
Saturdays having been circled in red.
Last night, he called her his angel,
but she did not respond. She’s thinking
she might buy chardonnay
for this evening.

With the hesitancy of an upcoming spring
rain, she raises the bedroom shade
on the morning, sits on the edge
of their unmade bed and paints her toenails;
in the vanity mirror she can see the cloudy sky.

Hi there. My immediate concern is that I don't understand the title of your poem, and how it relates to what you've written. Is it the scent of the toenail polish? There is one reference to angels, but that seems vague and doesn't stand out as the focus of the poem to me. Can you explain this?

I like the flow of the poem, although the meter is a bit discombobulated. In the first stanza, why did you separate:

"she might buy chardonnay ... for this evening"

? These are small things but in a poem as floaty as this all the small things matter. For example, I don't understand why the Saturdays are circled, and why it matters that they have been together for five years. I'm assuming that's a bad thing given the context of the poem but I don't know what it means. (Also do you mean diary or calendar?)

The second stanza is very nice. Good imagery and flows nicely; you explain the feelings without actually saying what they are. Nicely done on this part.

Overall, work is needed on the first stanza imo. I don't seem to be understanding the imagery as well as I do in the second one. Basically the backstory is missing in the first stanza; saying that the Saturdays are circled in red or that they've been together five years or that he called her his angel mean nothing to me, because they are out of context. This means I'm missing a crucial part of your story.

-BW