My First Post

[tectak]

Hello all,
This is my first post.  Thanks ahead for your honest feedback.

UNTITLED
Years have past passed not past. I have heard of the Last Post. Give it a title...how hard can it be? Laziness gets no praise
Leaders have changed As this is your first post we must assume that you do not know how to punctuate... you must have read a poem somewhere but capitalising every line died out with the invention of the printing press. Read something after 1950. The problem is made overwhelming by the combination of the lack of punctuation AND capitalising of line starts . It detracts from the poetry...you know, poetry. Meter, rhyme, metaphor, imagery. No need for all...but some would be nice
Old song, old movies
Smile in the morning while rain is falling
Cup of tea, with dried fruit
Moon and book are friends together
Dark and light are connected This is delicate. Likeable even...sort out the afforementioned issues and things will geometrically improve. You write," ..while rain is falling cup of tea, with dried fruit moon and book are friends together knowledge is my neighbour tower..." Bollocks....meant kindly, of course.
Knowledge is my neighbor
Tower in the city
Turn on the radio like lullaby at night
Quiet nature makes my spirit awake
Opened the window to welcome the wind
Ghost-like music, whisper to my ears
Unknown words make my day complete
Empty bottle full of memories
Body cold, borrowing feathers and wings
Angry world
Don’t steal my breath away Am I missing something or is this a cliche-chanteuse? In fact, is the whole thing made up of bits from songs? Tell me I am wrong, please.
Voices in the ocean
Messenger from the mountains
Myth of love, stars gave us
Mother Earth keep me in your warm embrace. You walk the walk...but can you talk the talk. I have absolutely no idea what these random muses are all about so I can now understand why it has no title...it is not about anything. Don't make it the Last Post.
Best,
tectak

By Daroma