03-22-2015, 10:59 PM
Honest feedback...welp, here goes dear...remember you asked for it...
There is nothing substantial here to hold onto...it's just a gathering of wispy thoughts. Very obscure and ambiguous fragments of thoughts all gathered into one place...which is probably why it is untitled...not sure you even know what you were trying to portray or even say for that matter. The good news is...you can break up each line and make it into a good poem. Focus on just one of these thoughts and keep it substantial, with images and actions to cling to. does that make sense?
mel/bena aka the mean one.
There is nothing substantial here to hold onto...it's just a gathering of wispy thoughts. Very obscure and ambiguous fragments of thoughts all gathered into one place...which is probably why it is untitled...not sure you even know what you were trying to portray or even say for that matter. The good news is...you can break up each line and make it into a good poem. Focus on just one of these thoughts and keep it substantial, with images and actions to cling to. does that make sense?
mel/bena aka the mean one.