Deathstalker-Edit 1

[Erthona]

I would not introduce the poem with an explanation. It sets the focus of the poem and so the reader is thinking about this scorpion, waiting for it to appear throughout the entire poem. Suggestion. Include title in Body with asterisk, then explanation at end of poem. Example:

Deathstalker*

(POEM)

*Explanation

To my mind this is less disruptive to the poem, although as you are using it metaphorically/symbolically as well as literally I think such an explanation limits the use of the term within the poem. If one queries "Deathstalker" in Wiki, the first thing that comes up is the Deathstalker Scorpion. So that seems like a pretty easily accessible item and probably does not needed to be included at all. Maybe just

"A Deathstalker scorpion scuttles
across my shooting pad,"

would do.
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Note: Although I haven't read Tom's critique, I generally agree with him, so there may be some repetition.

Nothing moves
in my spotting scope;
field of fire clear         (for?)
two thousand yards.

Blue Afghan skies  (maybe try moving "watch" to this line so that the next two lines balance each other.)
watch Khyber's ancient pass (maybe "ancient Khyber pass

and empty hills.                     and empty [descriptor] hills" So this balances. could be something like"the empty and sallow hills" better yet a place name, like "the empty Khajjiar hills".)

Acrid wind stirs my ghille bush, (Is this the same as a Ghille suite? Maybe less authentic, but suite is more recognizable)
calescent air shimmers,
three hundred win mag
cool against my cheek. (nice image)


Home's a smoky memory,  (this line feels a bit awkward, can't say why, seems trite maybe)
blurred by blood and terror.(might switch "blood and terror", to "terror and blood" feels like less of a cliche)
Survival is all I ask. (This seems a bit lacking, not worthy of what is being described. Needs something more, comes across as flat)

A scorpion scuttles  (nice alteration)
across my shooting pad,
stinger poised,
hurrying to a hiding place.  (then hurrying if with comma, without then, no comma)

Movement.   (Not a sentence, a list, use colon)
Insurgents debouch the defile. (Very descriptive)
Hunters hunting me.   (I appreciate the attempt at cleverness, but hunters hunting is just too cutesy. "Hunters, hunting, the hunter" Nope, maybe  "Hunters coming for me." Needs something, end is disappointing)
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This is a nice poem in terms of the loneliness and vastness it describes, especially as these equate to the speakers feelings at the moment. However it fails to take advantage of opportunities for greater depth, not in terms of complexity, but in terms of the levels this could speak to. It does briefly touch on one such theme as the hunter becomes the hunted, but this is not integrated with the actions of the scorpion, in fact the actions the scorpion exhibits lends no insight at all to the poem. Outside of the justification for the title, the part with the scorpion could be removed completely and it would do little to nothing in terms of the poems impact.  
As per the reference to the "300 win mag" and Ghille bush, one assumes that the speaker is a sniper, and now the enemy knows where he is there. His skill cannot protect him as they come at him en mass. So there are several readily available themes that could be explored: might makes right; that the sniper is morally superior, but physically weaker than his enemy: tables turned: will to power: the group vs the individual and so on there are other themes related to the fickleness of war.
The viewpoint and worldview are singularly that of the speaker. The enemy are nameless, faceless entities that are not quite humans, just hostile and dangerous target. This limits the depth of the poem. It does any art form when the viewpoint is so narrowly defined.
However this poem does have a universality that anybody can identify with regardless if they have been in war or not.
It reminds me of a Paul Simon (?) song I used to preform, although I cannot find it now. It was called "Advance Guard". Here are the four verses. Probably haven't thought about that song in over thirty years.



I use to look out from my window,
and see the flowers in the field,
standing there just like advanced guard,
waiting for the battle to begin.

My mother use to be much younger,
she'd sing me soft sweet lullabies,
I'd see my fortress in the mountains,
each time I'd look into her eyes.

My father's hair has turned to grey now.
I never stopped to ask him why,
that all the things that he once cherished
I see them slowly drifting by.

"And now I look out from my mountain,
and see the soldiers in the fields,
it want be long now 'til they have me
this time advance guard is for real."

So although I think this could be the entrance to a more multilevel poem, it still is a nice read, and for the most part with some editing could stand as is.

Dale