A Study

[summermoose]

I enjoyed reading this! I think I am just missing it - whose voice is described in the first line? I agree with the feedback on the caps. I tend to do the same thing and it can be distracting. Some little comments below.

Also, in the third stanza, line 5 - for some reason the rhyme between "bent" and "pent-up" doesn't read well for me in this poem perhaps because that structure doesn't appear anywhere else. This is really picky, probably just me feedback though.

Overall - great work!

His voice is a buzzing slave.
A fly on the wall
I smear the hardwood with elbow grease
And under these diode stars love this line
Curtains fall over me
And drag me down into the night.

Inside of my square carousel ?
A book is the sun
Of my solar system.
Black holes melt into puddles,
Slide off the page
And say hello to my eyes.

The crowd cheers for me.
Bottle in my fist,
I Soldier on. why is "Soldier" capped?
Liquify my brain,
Valves bent with pent-up steam
on just one of many pipes. is this the one line intentionally not capped?

The alarm rings but I haven’t
Set the clock.

Red filt streaks
Run through the paper maybe use a descriptive word instead of "the"- it could add to the imagery here
Crumpled in my fist.
I breathe out.
The world shifts back upright,
Still crooked. Still dim.