A hobo's remainder

[milo]

This one was actually a song I wrote but i thought it sounded quite nice!
I hope you enjoy the read

Walking down at night
dark ev'ning skies

Is your narrator a helicopter?

Cold air hits my face
enter its harsh embrace

enter /what's/ hard embrace?  The air?  Hard air seems very unlikely.

some man shot dead
right in the head
blood dripping down
hits cold hard stone

didn't you just use hard and cold?  

his hands worn dark
his clothes but trash

what is 'but trash'?

his face... now full of lead
useless now the old bums stash

why this line written backwards is?

His Uke laid down
taken right...  from his hand
he lays face down
stopped the song of a peaceful land

some man shot dead
right in the head
blood dripping down
hits cold hard stone

Cries weeping out
a sad song to be heard
a voice sings loud
his son sings slurred

This reads like a series of disconnected images with rather common, perhaps cliche descriptions overly driven by rhyme.  A man got shot.  Now what?  Seems it needs more to be worth reading.  The belligerent abandonment of all syntax isn't helping.